Life is Full of Contradictions

Life is a puzzle to me. When a person does their very best at their profession, at their calling, at their schooling, and just trying to live the best kind of life for the families they love and the communities they live in and nothing seems to work. Sometimes I feel like I am on the "Andrea Gail", the fishing boat, in the movie the "Perfect Storm",. They battled, they fought with all their might, only to loose it all. We have all seen people fight these courageous battles, only to be defeated. Where are our communities? Are we all so numb, because of the overwhelming problems we hear about on a daily basis? I catch myself, saying, Oh isn't that too bad or so sad or bad as this sounds, I am thinking I am thankful it isn't my loved one and go on about my business as usual. But, I feel convicted, to do something, and then my mind says, well what can you do? If nothing else, I can pray, and open a door for The God Above to help in the situation. My Mother started me on this track, when the life line helicopters first started flying, they would go over our house, and she would begin to pray, for the patient and the crew. Feeling sorry, doesn't do anyone any good whatsoever, if you know of someone who is having a hard time, Do Something, try calling them just to check up on them, take them to lunch, or coffee, it doesn't have to be extravagant, we can make a difference in our world, if we just reach out. Even if the best efforts fail, it is better to fail than to never try.

Five things I am thankful for:
1 The grain bin being up!!!!!!!!!!
2. The guys, who said it wouldn't work, but did it anyway and LO and BEHOLD it did perfectly!
3.For water and electrical lines being dug, and covered nicely, just a few rocks to move
4. A daughter, Mother and Sister, who are awesome I cannot believe what all we have accomplished
5 Myself, this is a hard one for me, but I am learning, however hard, to reconcile myself to My Creator, that I must believe, that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

It has been a Day

What a day it has been. Being Thursday, it is always hectic, but today it just did not seem like I could move fast enough. It has been so humid out, but I am thankful for the rain, but it was hot this morning. Everything I did seemed to take longer than usual to get accomplished. Pouring milk, getting Momma ready for Springfield, which entails, her breakfast, her lunch, her lemon water and making sure she has her cell phone, milk book, purse and no telling what else she needs for the day. Sometimes after she is gone, I just sit and cry, not for very long mind you, because there is too much to do afterwards. Then it was on to cleaning the kitchen, which was a mess, that took awhile, girls were working on other parts of the house thank goodness. Then it was off to town for errands, came home and started to finish mowing the yard. A severe thunderstorm popped up, I mowed as long as I could, but I did not get finished. Came in and rested for a little while, till it was time for chores, and because it was wet, I trimmed with the weed whacker till it was dark. Didn't get finished with that either, but I am closer to being done than I was. Took Wallace out, he is a mostly a Jack Russell Terrier, I named him after the Braveheart character, William Wallace, it is sad, but he does not live up to his namesake. He is afraid of storms, loud noises, especially gun shots. When all the Mennonite men start practicing in November for deer season, it makes it a nerve racking time, for that little dog. Well tonight, he and our other dumped little Cairn Terrier Winnie, found a skunk. They barked and barked and Wallace dug and dug, and thoroughly ticked off a perfectly calm skunk. You All know the rest, the aroma was less than heaven scent, and two little dogs, had a bath and are resting comfortably in old blankets getting dry.
Now it is time for me to do the same, not antagonize the skunk any further, but take a shower, my jeans are almost covered in green grass. I hope I can finish up tomorrow, and the tractor will be fixed and I can work on getting the bush hogging finished. I think it was Oprah, who said, at the end of the day to say five things you are thankful for. Well here are mine, A Heavenly Father, who truly watches out for us and delivers us when we ask Him to do so. 2, for my family, they are the strongest and most gentle women I know, and I love all of them dearly. 3. For friends, I have the best of friends, and they are a comfort and a blessing. 4, For the Earth, as the storm clouds rolled in, dark and looming, and right across the road, blue sky, billowing clouds and sun shinning, I am just amazed with all around me. 5, the farm, with its creeks, rolling hills, little brown cows, feisty goats, pretty little chickens, barns to house and store our animals and feed. The many cats, and four dogs, who are more trouble than they are worth, but we love them anyway. It is a place I have walked over 32 years, watched a daughter grow, it doesn't look like I would like it too, but it is home and that is where my heart rests.

July 13, 1977

32 years ago, we moved from Bemidji Minnesota, to Buffalo Missouri. Before Minnesota, I was born in Decatur Illinois and had never lived anywhere else except Illinois. I was thinking about all this, while on the tractor bush hogging. When we were thinking about getting this place, I asked God, if we could just somehow get this farm, I would never ask for anything again. At the time I was the ripe old age of 19, and didn't know anything about the Chinese Curse, "May you get what you ask For". The last 32 years have been bittersweet, I hate to say it, but there has been more bitter than sweet. If I had to do it over again, I would not. Do not ask me what I would have done, because I do not have a answer. I thought I was following God's Plan for my life and the precious baby girl He had entrusted in my care. Sometimes I think I have eaten way too many mixed nuts, after all you are what you eat. How can one pour their heart, soul, strength, and love into land, a way of life and end up empty? I would like an answer if anyone has it. We have survived, droughts, administrations of our government, who have built our economy on cheap food, Plague, the neighbors imported cows from Texas who had bangs. A rescued dog, drug up one of their fetus's and our Holsteins started aborting full term babies. It was horrible to live through. We had to blood test each cow for over a year, and had to brand and ship 20 something perfect milk cows to slaughter. To hear them scream while they branded them on the cheek, is something I will never forget. But you go on, and do the same thing every year, somehow hoping it will get better. I am still hoping.

Sunday A Day of Rest

It has been a wonderful Sunday, yes there were still chores that needed to be done, but in between time, there was rest. Just to relax, spend time with God, my family, and to even take a nap it was so nice. A slower pace than the six previous day, it has been a difficult week, to have a day when a major problem doesn't show up is a blessing. Farming is not easy, just like any other profession, it has its moments of total frustration. I say, that Farming is the oldest Profession, after all Adam and Eve named the animals and picked the fruit. Look at what trouble the latter got us all into, it figures it was a farmer.
This week, I have begun bushogging, it always has been one of my favorite things to do, I know, I am odd. Our tractor is old, the bush hog is older, if I could have found a man as dependable and hardworking as that bush hog, I would probably be married. The farms landscape has changed over the years, the Ice storm of 2007, and the loggers, and Hedge fence posts cutters, have made a huge mess. Having to navigate around downed limbs, posts left in the pasture, and huge stumps of walnut, does not bring out the happy within me. With all the rain we have had, there are deep ruts, that when the grass hides, gives this old girl, a jolt in her Constitution, sometimes I just hold on for dear life. But for the most part, I enjoy going around and around cutting grass and the weeds, making a better place for our little brown cow's to graze. When I am finished with a particular field, I have a sense of accomplishment. In a nutshell, whether it is cleaning the milk barn, feeding the chickens, goats, calves, dogs cats and even the wild birds, weeding a flower garden or the vegetable garden, mowing the yard and yes even cleaning house, all these things gives me satisfaction. It is being there, in good times and disaster, at the beginning of a life and when the life takes its last breath and all the times in between, that is what it means to be a farmer to me. Good night All