At the feet of Jesus is the place where I find myself. It feels as if my whole life has been turned upside down, my heart is broken, and I am so weary. I have no where else to go, so I am at His feet, asking for His mercy. Please have mercy on me , my family, on our neighbors who have shown up wanting our property before anyone else. For the people who put us in this peril of losing a home, our lively hood and would like to toss us out into the street, I ask for your mercy and forgiveness. They truly cannot understand what they have done.
I guess like any trial, you always LEARN lessons or as I read somewhere to make the most of what your going through. I have learned that is horrible to lose your home, whatever the reason, my heart aches, when I see a "trustee sale", a homeless human being, a family giving a pet away because they can no longer care for it. I have learned, hopefully, to be more sensitive, when someone is telling me about a trial they are going through. For example, to say "Hang In There", when you you feel like your being hung, hurts. Or to say, I am not worried, " God will work it all out and you'll be just fine", "Or when God shuts a door, He will open a window". And to that I answer, I want my own door, my own window, my driveway, my barns, my land I have walked over 32 years. I have submitted myself to God, He knows my heart like no one else ever could, He made me. One of my favorite movie clips is , Dorothy and Toto, she is clicking her red shoes, with her eyes closed saying,"there's no place like home, there's no place like home" I don't know how I could ever leave, knowing I cannot come back. Only God knows.
Forgiveness, now this a biggie, I am understanding more and more about forgiveness. If I want forgiveness, healing , deliverence, I must forgive. I will say it again, for my own self, because I tend to be hard headed, I must forgive no matter what the offense. This has been a real challenge, actually, forgiveness is such a great gift The Lord, because I was struggling, let me see how joyful He is when gets to give forgiveness to people. He bought and paid for this gift, with His own blood, and delights in letting them go free from sin. I can experience this same joy, of just letting them GO, and allowing Him to heal my hurts. Mercy, He showed me , that sin is sin no matter what, and that my sins of fear and self pity, are just as much sin as greed, coveting ect... so I can ask for mercy, for me, and anyone else, that cannot seem to help their tendencies anymore than I can.
I have also learned, my attitude, is not what it should be at times, and what used to "bother", me is nothing to be compared of what I face today. Am I sweeter, kinder, nicer, less quick to judge, you bet I am. Have I "learned" my lesson, I am hoping, but for the time being, I am going to sit at His Feet a little while longer. I put my life in Your Hands, and I submit myself to Your Will. Amen